Cuckolding is a common kink or fetish wherein someone derives sexual pleasure from knowing that their partner is having sex with someone else. It can be enjoyed as a theme in erotic media, through sexual roleplay with a partner, or by making arrangements with partners to act out the fantasy in real life.
Because this fantasy bends the rules of traditional monogamy, this can be considered a form of ethical non-monogamy when practiced consensually with a partner.
When the cuckold also derives sexual pleasure from watching their partner engage in sexual activity with another person, cuckolding can be considered a form of voyeurism.
Etymology and History
Cuckolding comes from cuckoldry, which finds its roots with the common cuckoo bird, a bird who makes a habit of laying eggs in other brooding birds’ nests during mating season.
In medieval times, cuckoldry came to describe the experience of a man whose wife was unfaithful to him. The deceived and naive husband in this case was often unaware of his wife’s transgressions, and sometimes raised children that were not his. Either way, the husband was said to be made a cuckold by his wife.
Cuckolding is a Common Fantasy
According to porn site and research data, cuckolding is a very popular and common sexual fantasy. A possible explanation for this is how nuanced this fantasy is. It incorporates elements such as voyeurism and exhibitionism, humiliation, unconventional relationship configurations, exploration of power dynamics, and disruption of gender norms.
As as result, cuckolding shows up in common adult fantasy material like porn and erotic literature, within ethical non-monogamous relationships, and in BDSM situations.
Some of the reasons people pursue their cuckolding fantasies include:
- As part of a humiliation kink
- Within the terms of an open relationship, swinging, or some other form of polyamory
- To explore one’s sexuality and sexual orientation
- Out of compersion, the feeling of deriving enjoyment from seeing one’s partner with their other partner
- A voyeurism kink or fetish where one partner likes to watch the other with someone else
- An exhibtinism kink or fetish where particularly enjoys to perform for their partner by having sex with someone else
- The enjoyment of showing off how desirable one’s partner is by sharing them with someone else (e.g. hotwifing)
- As an element of a BDSM relationship or scene where the power dynamics are being explored in a way that involves cuckolding
- Simulating a sense of competition between the cuckold and the person they’re sharing their partner with
- Simply because it’s taboo; the thrill that comes with doing something which goes against the so-called rules of society
Cuckolding and Ethical Non-Monogamy
Not only is cuckoldng a common fantasy, it can be a healthy and fulfilling way to enhance sexual satisfaction when pursued consensually with a partner.
It can be explored simply as a fantasy by consuming erotic media together (e.g. watching porn or reading erotica) or by acting out a role play scenario.
In other cases, people may choose to play out their fantasy in the real world by finding someone to join them under mutually agreed upon terms.
Typically, this would happen in a hierarchical polyamorous relationship such as an open relationship where a primary partnership has agreed to open themselves up to invite a third into their play. Although there are many ways that this fantasy can be explored and is not restricted to a three person dynamic. It can also occur during swinging and other group sex scenarios.
Cuckolding and Hotwifing
Hotwifing is a variation of the cuckolding fantasy. The two terms are often used interchangeably, however they are two distinct terms. Hotwifing is a form of cuckolding, but not all cuckolding is considered hotwifing.
Cuckolding comes from the notion of being unknowingly cheated on. The fantasy therefore takes the shape of simulated infidelity in order to stir up feelings of erotic humiliation in the more submissive partner, or lends more power in the dynamic to the “wife”, i.e. the partner traditionally seen as more subservient.
Hotwifing tends to refer to someone who is very aware of the desirability of their partner (the “hot wife”) and takes so much pleasure in it that they want to deliberately show their partner off to other people. In this sexual fantasy, showing the partner off usually means arranging for them to have sex with someone else.
In a hotwifing scenario, the person opposite the hot wife is the “stag”. The suggested reasons for pursuing this fantasy and how it may play out can vary. However, typically, the stag maintains a higher degree of control over the situation than in cuckolding fantasies where they play a more submissive role to the partner making a cuckold of them. It’s the stag who typically chooses who their partner will have sex, when it will happen, and may even give directions to the other person as to the expectations of the scene.
The stag takes the lead by selecting the hot wife’s partner and making all the arrangements for their date to happen. In some cases, the stag is there to observe while in others they wait for the hot wife to report back after the sexual activities have concluded.
It is also a popular category in porn videos and erotic stories, which feature storylines where typically women enjoy sexual encounters with people who are not their primary partner, as arranged by their husband.
Some examples of cuckolding and hotwifing plots include:
- The husband may be away for work a lot and wants his wife’s sexual needs to be met even in his absence.
- The couple married young and the wife did not have the opportunity to explore sexually before.
- The husband acknowledges how desirable his partner is and is excited by the idea of them having sex with someone else.
- The husband derives sexual pleasure from the humiliation he feels by his partner being pleasured by someone other than him.
- The wife is sexually insatiable. Her husband acknowledges this need and provides her with other men to satisfy her.
- The wife wants to have a sexual experience that her husband cannot provide, for whatever reason. They arrange for her to have an encounter with someone else who is equipped to provide this experience.