How to change the type of man you typically go for
We all have types, don’t we? Some of us like dark horses: strong and silent men. Some of us like aggressively alpha males. Some of us like soft, sensitive boys, and some of us – unfortunately – prefer Soundcloud rappers who are struggling to get their career off the ground.
Here’s the thing about having a type: it’s not necessarily a good thing. You might be attracted to precisely the kind of man who is bad for you. Those ambitious investment bankers you generally date are cold and emotionally unavailable. The sensitive poets you date turn out to be needy softbois who are looking for free therapists. And the alpha males – well, they’re just men who consistently hurt your feelings.
Time to change it up, sis. Here are some handy tips on how to change your type – and revolutionize your love life.
Make a list of the things you want. Then make a list of the things you need.
Before you date seriously, you need to know yourself. Are you easily stressed and anxious? Do you require extra reassurance from a partner, or extra communication? Or are you happy with a more chilled out, low-key relationship? Are you invested in conventional ideas of romance? What is your love language? What’s your ideal activity to do with a partner? These are all things you need to know beforehand in order to be happy.
Here’s the thing: what you need to be happy may not be the same as what you want. You may be drawn to extroverted ad-agency types, but spend the majority of your weekend nights watching Netflix with hot cocoa. Well, if that’s the case, you’re likely not going to be happy with a man who wants to go out a lot and party. Make sure your needs and wants are in sync.
Change your own habits
We often go for people who have traits we wish we had. Ask yourself why you only go for passionate, intense types: do they make you feel more invested in your own life? Are you exclusively dating artists because you secretly long to escape the humdrum 9-5 life? The unspoken truth of dating is that we find wish fulfillment in other people.
The truth is, you really don’t need to date a man to have the kind of life you want. Put that down in your diary. Stick it over your mirror. Repeat that to yourself every day like it’s an anthem. Take control of your own narrative.
Go sign up for that pottery class. Write down a list of traits you admire in other people, and try to adopt them yourself. You can become the passionate, intense person that you are naturally drawn to.
Swipe right on guys you’d normally never go for
“Ew, no, he’s younger than me. You know I only go for older men.” Yes, it can feel like pulling teeth to go on a date with a man who isn’t your usual type. But there’s a lot of value in going on dates with guys who you wouldn’t consider normally. For starters, you’ll have a refreshingly different date. Hey, maybe the younger boy will be sweet and not cynical and patronizing in the way that older men can often be.
This does not mean you have to date people you’re not attracted to! It means that taking a risk can be enormously rewarding. Hold on a second before writing someone off because “he’s not my type.” The only way to break that type that’s hardwired in your head? Fall in love with someone that doesn’t fit it.
Good luck, gorgeous!