How to spot wishy-washy men & recognize the flags early on

By Priya Alika

It’s 2019, and we’re all busy women. We’ve got jobs to do, errands to run, and manicure appointments to keep – which means we have no time for wishy-washy men in our lives, sis. We need to be able to tell the ones who will stay from the ones who won’t. The men who mean what they say from the ones who don’t. There’s nothing worse than waking up one beautiful morning and realizing that you’ve wasted the last six months of your life on an indecisive man. 

How do you recognize a wishy-washy man? Here are some obvious signs.

He goes back and forth about wanting to be with you- and often brings up his past as an excuse 

“I don’t know what I want. I just got out of a serious relationship, and I’m still hurting.” 

Okay, Jarred. First of all, when was this serious relationship? Was it ten years ago, in college? Was it Emma who broke his heart when she refused to play Spin the Bottle with him in sixth grade? Is that why he’s not looking for anything serious? 

Wishy-washy men are quick to bring up an old heartbreak as an excuse for why they can’t treat women with decency for years after. Be very suspicious of this reasoning: after all, plenty of women suffer heartache without becoming commitment-phobic. Give him a good therapist’s number instead of your own. 

He makes vague promises or inconsistent gestures 

Does he show up at your doorstep at midnight with flowers? Talk about whisking you away to Paris when you least expect it? Does he make drunken, romantic speeches, but then not text you for a week? 

Well, you know the saying - talk is cheap, baby. Here’s the thing about wishy-washy men: they write checks they can’t cash. They are absolutely addicted to being passionate- and then turning colder than an ice floe. They run hot and cold like a broken shower tap – and that means you can never really count on what they say.

As a wise woman once said, ignore their words. Look at their actions – are they consistently texting you? Do they show up to your family/work events when they say they will? Do they make plans with you on a regular basis? OR are they prone to flakiness, vagueness, and broken promises? 

If it’s the latter, you have been diagnosed with a case of 100% Wishy-washiness. Don’t waste time on that fool, girl. Disappear on him before he has a chance to disappear on you- again.

He tells you he just needs "more time"

Sigh. Okay, so this is a tricky one. When people tell you they need more time, your impulse is to believe them. You want to stick around. You want to continue playing the role of the perfect, well-balanced, Impossibly Cool Girl who will make him fall for you. Because he’s definitely going to fall for you at SOME point…right? 

Wrong. If a man isn’t showing you (clearly) that he likes you, you might want to reconsider the relationship. Don’t make yourself available to him 24/7 – as a girlfriend would – if he isn’t reciprocating that attention and that energy. 99.9% of the time, “I need more time” is a cheap ploy to buy more time and take advantage of your patience. He might easily spend months wading in the shallow waters of affection. Meanwhile, you’ll likely get deeper and deeper into liking him, which means you’ll be the one to get hurt.

Remember, you should never have to convince someone to like or want to be with you. Ask yourself why you’re trying to sell him on the idea of you. You’re a wonderful, intelligent, gorgeous, strong and complete person who knows what she wants (and who).

Throw the entire man away sis, and start your new life – one where you date men who are enthusiastically, undisputedly Into You. The future is so dazzlingly bright, babes: walk into it.

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