Sex

4 important tips for safe, pleasurable anal sex

By Lilith Bealove

It's 2019, and it feels like almost everyone is either having butt sex or talking about butt sex. If it's a hard no for you, it's a hard no for you. Never allow a partner to guilt you into trying anything you're not comfortable with. But- if it's something that intrigues you, and you're open to trying it, here is a guide to ensure that you have the most fun, comfortable and pleasurable experience possible. Because anal done properly can be a truly amazing, euphoric experience.


1. Get in the right mindset 

When my husband first brought up anal sex, I spent months researching it before agreeing to give it a try. Even after all my research, I still didn’t particularly enjoy it. Why? Despite all my research on anal sex, training with butt plug sets, and general pleasure, I just wasn’t in the right mindset. I told myself that I wasn’t going to enjoy it. Most of the advice I found during my research suggested to go slow, use tons of lube, and warm-up. A lot of them focused on just doing the act for the pleasure of the pitcher, and not how the catcher can get pleasure from it.

For my husband, the act of anal sex holds appeal due to the taboo that surrounds it, the tightness, and the different feeling of that orifice. I found it difficult to get into the mindset, even with the right preparation, so I looked up on different items that could help. We wound up buying a butt plug and some beads that I used during vaginal sex. The butt plug taught me that stationery items felt great and the beads taught me that the sensation of pulling them out during orgasm added to my pleasure.

Learning what I liked, rather than doing it for someone else's pleasure, helped to get me into the right mindset for the act of anal sex. 


2. Warm-up 

Warming up is probably the most important step to safe anal sex. Knowing what feels good and acting on those pleasures will not only help you get into the mindset to receive anal sex but also enjoy the pleasure of the act. Massaging the anus during foreplay and intercourse is enjoyable and, in my experience, makes me want something pushed past those sphincters and into my rectum.

Once I can’t stand the massaging any longer, and I’m craving something more, lube is the next step. Lube is incredibly important in any anal play and will ensure that you don’t rip or tear anything, as the anus doesn’t naturally lubricate as the vagina does.


3. Lube 

Lube is so important. I prefer a silicone-based lubricant as they don’t need to be applied as often and are much thicker. Whether fingers, dildo, or a penis are pushing past the sphincters the opening of the anus, going slow (and stopping when need be) and using more lube than you'd think you need are important.


Lubes that numb the anus are highly discouraged as damage can occur and you wouldn’t know it until the numbing agent wore off. Most numbing lubes use lidocaine, which is a strong numbing medicine and prevents you from not only feeling the pleasure that one gets from anal sex but also any discomfort that may hint at the risk of damaging your anus.

4. Positioning 

The very first time I had anal sex, I was laying on my back, as he inserted his penis. I remember laying there, wincing at every movement. It wasn’t pleasant and, adding my mindset, we didn’t go very long. I was in pain and knew that there should never be any pain during anal sex. Later I read something about how anal sex is more comfortable for the receiving partner when they are in control. 

The next time we had anal sex I wore a small butt plug for a bit before we even started the foreplay. When it was time to try the actual act of anal, I got on top and guided most of the movements. It was *way* more pleasurable, and I didn't feel any uncomfortable pressure.


Final notes 

Anal sex should never be painful and does have the potential to be pleasurable for everyone involved. Once I found the right mindset, the right lube, and the right position, I found anal sex to not only be tolerable, but enjoyable. Anal sex allows better access to my clit and if we choose to do DP with a dildo, it pushes that dildo into my g-spot better. 

This has been my experience and small amount of advice in my experience with anal sex. When practicing anal sex, remember that the anus does not produce lubricant on its own and you should use a lot of lube. A. Lot. Also, remember to go slow. If it hurts, stop. If you tear and begin bleeding, you should see a doctor. And finally, never go from anus to vagina (or mouth) as this can cause infections.

Have fun bbs!


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