There's so much more to sex than just penetration

By Priya Alika

When most heterosexual people think of sex, we tend to think of penetrative sex. Much like Bill Clinton, many still don’t typically consider other forms of sexual activity to "count" as sex. But that’s truly a pity – after all, the vast majority of women can’t usually come from penetrative sex alone. If you’re focusing on penetration alone, chances are you’re missing out many of the most exciting alternatives.

Read on for some ways you can have non-penetrative fun and take your sex life to the next level. 

Oral sex

The unfortunate truth is that even in 2019, there's an oral sex gap between men and women. Male partners tend to go down on female partners at a significantly lower rate than the reverse, which is truly bananas if you take into consideration that women tend to orgasm from oral at a much higher rate than they do from penetrative sex. If your partner isn't going down on you enough or in a way that gets you off, have a conversation. It's so important and so, so worth it.


So. Freaking. Underrated. Just the act of physically rubbing your partner’s body with your own can be wonderful. Remember when you were a teenager, and you were passionately dry-humping your boyfriend? Yeah. That rush of pleasure is underrated: try it out by grinding on top of your partner with your clothes on. 


The idea of roleplay may seem a little cringy at first, but believe us: there’s nothing hotter than acting out a long-dormant sexual fantasy. Have you always dreamt of being rescued from a burning house, only for the fireman to throw you over his shoulder and have his wicked way with you? Well…why not ask your partner to act it out with you? You may feel a little self-conscious at first, but it’s a great way to bring another dimension to your sex life. (Plus, of course, brush up your acting chops.) 


Ladies, your vibrator isn’t just for private time on your own. Why not let your partner watch while you use it on yourself (or have them use it on you)? The great thing about sex toys is that they add a little extra thrill, while also minimizing the work you have to do. Do consider adding a sex toy of your choice (dildos, cock rings, cuffs, you name it) into the mix to enhance your sexytimes. 


Does your partner know how you like to touch yourself? Well, why not have him watch while you do, and then try to get you off the same way? Masturbating in each other’s presence can be a lovely shared experience, and help you two feel more intimate than ever before. (That way, they can also show you what they like, and where to touch them for the greatest possible pleasure.) 

Enjoy erotica together

There’s a deep thrill in reading erotic literature to each other. Alternatively, you could ask your partner to show you their favorite porn or erotic movies. You can learn more about what turns each other on, or what fantasies you have (which might give you ideas for the future). This is also a great way to build up anticipation for when you eventually have sex. 

Nipple play 

Having your nipples stimulated (touched, licked, kissed, rubbed) can feel incredibly satisfying. In fact, it’s entirely possible to achieve orgasm from nipple play alone- for both men and women. Give it a go – have your partner tease and titillate you by playing with your nipples. You can even introduce ice, lotion, or nipple clamps into the bedroom to mix it up a little. 


Grab a bottle of olive oil – or a jar of lavender cream- and play professional masseuse. Take it in turns to rub each other’s back, neck, and legs. Pay special attention to your erogenous zones. Not only is this a super sexy way to spend date night, it has the added benefit of working out any kinks or aches you might be experiencing.

Good luck, and remember: penetration is only one of the many, many, MANY ways to be sexually satisfied with a partner.

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