Butt stuff: How to navigate uncharted territory
I used to say you couldn’t pay me enough money to have anal sex. The fear was real and instilled in me since my somewhat innocent high-school days. I heard a story, passed down from a friend of a friend of a friend (you get the gist), that a couple a few grades ahead of me had tried anal sex, and when the guy pulled out, there was a shit storm…literally. Ever since that day, I had vowed that I would never do butt stuff, unable to imagine what someone would find attractive about putting it where I push stuff out. Also, how in the hell would I ever recover from a blunder that colossal?
I once said I’d never smoke a cigarette in my life. I’m smoking as I’m writing this. My younger self clearly can’t be trusted.
All this to say: it’s about 10 years after I heard that fateful story and the once unfathomable butt stuff has now become a regular part of my sex life. It didn’t happen all at once, and it was definitely a gradual process-physically and emotionally- but I have no regrets about trying it...and liking it. The sensation is completely different; the area is so much tighter that every thrust is maximized and it makes the sex much more urgent and often times, primal. You might try it and hate it. Or you might try it and love it. Whatever your choice, there is nothing to be ashamed or scared of!
If you decide to conquer this unchartered territory, like with losing your oral or vaginal virginity, there are some essentials to keep in mind…and speaking from experience, these tips will definitely help ease the transition from the front to the back.
I'm a firm believer in experimenting with first-times (whether it’s oral, vaginal or anal) with someone that you can trust and with whom you are comfortable- no matter what age you are. Doing anything sexual for the first time is always laced with awkwardness and when you trust someone, trying something new and expressing your desires becomes much easier (in my humble opinion, anyway). Anal sex is a sensitive endeavor and it’s important to be in the right frame of mind when you decide the time is right. If at any point you’re no longer comfortable with doing it, then simply don’t!
Slow and steady wins the race, and this is definitely the case with stuff concerning the butt; it’s essential to build your way up to any eventual anal penetration. As I said, I’ve been skeptical (and that’s putting it lightly) about anal sex for years, and my boyfriend had been asking me to try it for a few months. I had always kept my sex life limited to my vagina, and always steered men clear of my back area if they tried to get access. But, that all changed a few months ago when I realized that a little butt action actually felt pretty damn good.
Don’t go full throttle right away, though! Have your partner start with their tongue, and then their finger(s) and if you like the sensation, keep going and see where the night takes you. Life pro tip: BUTT PLUGS. Get one here.
Like with any relationship, communication is essential to all aspects…sex included! I can’t sugarcoat it; the first few times of anal penetration hurt…not the whole time of course, but getting to the sweet spot, as with any sexual act, definitely takes some practice. Being vocal during anal, no matter if it’s your first or fiftieth time, is of UTMOST importance. If at any time, you feel you can’t handle it or aren’t enjoying it, tell your partner to stop…I know I have and it really wasn’t a big deal. Nothing is set in stone; so don’t fret if it’s not what you thought it would be, and just ensure you and your partner are open during anal (or any kind of sex, for that matter!)
I seriously cannot stress this one enough. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt butt stuff without lube! It’s going to end up hurting both of you. Be sure to apply both on to your partner’s member and your butt, sparingly and lovingly. There is no such thing as too much lube when bun fun is involved!
My suggestion is doggystyle for the first few times, but not when you’re on all fours. Being on your knees allows for a way more intense penetration and like I said, you need to ease yourself into it, so from behind and lying flat is the way to go. It offers more control for a slower and gentler penetration and is so much more intimate, which I think is needed when you’re exploring new sexual territory. Once you do get used to it and (hopefully) decide you like anal sex, I highly recommend girl-on-top. This position gives you the control, and feels AMAZING; it’s all about the angles, after all. Reverse cowgirl also works well and your partner will particularly enjoy the view ;)
Bum bonus: For extra pleasure, have your partner play with your clitoris…it works with any of these positions.
Pull-out-pooping was a real and justified horror I always associated with anal sex. When we originally began discussing trying butt stuff, I shared this fear with my partner and he wasn’t fazed at all, putting it in perspective: “We can always buy new sheets. It won’t happen, but if it does, I seriously don’t care.”
He was super reassuring and super attentive to all my butt hang-ups. My recommendation would be to make sure you do your business a bit before engaging in anal sex, and if something does go wrong, don’t sweat it! You can still poo, queef, fart, pee yourself, or start your period during vaginal sex, and you’ll always recover, so there’s no reason to let this hold you back in any way.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing it in the butt or not doing it in the butt, and you should always be confident in your decision, regardless of what it may be. Remember, just because you did it once, doesn’t mean you have to do it again and again and again…if you don’t like it, don’t do it, and never feel guilty for sticking to your buns.
And so, with all this in mind, I encourage you to try something new, and take your sex life to new heights, with confidence, comfort, communication, and most importantly, lubrication!