Mutual Masturbation 101

When you hear mutual masturbation do you get flash backs to Sex Ed class in an old gymnasium? I certainly do. I remember hearing that “It was an option that we could consider using in the place of sex in order to stay abstinent.” Well let me assure you it is much sexier than the curriculum makes it out to be.

So, what is it exactly?

Mutual masturbation is when two or more people engage in sexual self-pleasure in the presence of each other. Basically it’s playing with yourself while your partner(s) watch or playing with themself at the same time. They can be anywhere from right beside you, to across the world on FaceTime.

Unlike what Sex Ed may have told you; there aren’t many rules here. Want to add in toys, lube, and stream some porn? Go for it! The limit doesn’t exist- actually that’s not true. Like anything, you make the limit. Set your boundaries and remember to listen to your partner(s).

Why should you consider doing it?

It is healthy

Masturbation in all forms, whether it’s alone or with a partner, is healthy both physically and mentally. Regularly masturbating can help to relax muscles, improve sleep, release endorphins, and reduce stress.

It can be foreplay and/or the main event

With mutual masturbation you get to connect with your partner sexually without actually having oral or penetrative sexual intercourse. This can be amazing when you are tired after a long day of work, if you’re not into period sex, if you’re easing into sex with a new partner or after trauma, or any sort of situation in which you might just want to get off without getting it in.

Mutual masturbation can also be great for partners with different sex drives or if your partner is Asexual and they usually don’t desire full on sex. Regardless of the reasoning, masturbating together can be the perfect fix for what you are craving. But if you are craving more it can be a great appetizer for the main course. It is sure to heat everyone up and get the mood just right.

Pleasure is pretty much guaranteed and you get to learn

Who knows your body better than you? Well maybe you partner after watching you play with yourself. Mutual masturbation is a big win-win. You get the simple joy of satisfying yourself or watching your partner satisfy themselves and in doing it you also learn what they really like. For many people, especially women, penetrative sex doesn’t it always do it for them; adding in masturbation helps to be sure that pleasure is at the centre of your sexual time. And after watching closely, each partner is sure to pick up on a few things such as certain finger movements or speed choices that their partner loves. This of course, will help make all aspects of your sex life more authentic and pleasurable for everyone.

It is likely to increase intimacy

Masturbation is a very private personal experience. Opening up this sacred practice and sharing it with someone can be deeply intimate. Gazing at your lover while they squirm from pleasurable sensations and having them gaze back at you can often be even more connective then riding one another. Maybe it’s the vulnerability? It feels honest and very sensual. Maybe it’s that you can see the whole of them and they can see you. Whatever it is, is working.

Safety

Safe sex rocks and mutual masturbation is pretty much safer than any other type of sex. With MM, if you are only engaging in solo-touch while watching each other, then you are at no risk for pregnancy conception and/or the transmission of STD’s/STI’s.

However, if you plan on using your hands and/or shared toys to pleasure each other these risks are heightened slightly but are still low. To avoid all risk consider using latex gloves and/or condoms on your fingers/toys.

Long distance friendly

Keeping your sex life alive when in a long distance relationship or when a partner is traveling, can be difficult. However, mutual masturbation can be easily explored simply by hopping on video call. Cyber-sex with a partner can get surprisingly steamy and is a must try when time and space is calling the shots.

So how do you start?

Regardless of whether you are opting for virtual or in-person MM, here are a few tips for setting the perfect vibe.

- Find a safe and private space that you feel comfortable in. Think: your bed, couch, or even bathtub.

- Make sure you have clean and charged toys within reach. We all know the pain of reaching for the vibrator and having it die within moments of turning it on.

- Dim the lights and consider lighting a candle. This can help if there is any shyness to be mitigated.

- Play some light background music to get the mood just right.

- For virtual play: prop up your phone or laptop and make sure you are using a direct video line, such as Facetime or WhatsApp.

- Lastly talk to your partner. Keep checking in with them and yourself to make sure everyone is feeling comfy.