How to get your partner comfortable with sex toys
Whether partnered or solo, sex toys can enhance pleasure for all involved. But it’s one thing to enjoy a mind-shattering orgasm on your own—no holds barred—and quite another to integrate sex toys into a sexual relationship with your partner (a whole other human being!). While for some, introducing sex toys is a no-brainer for adding variety/depth to an experience, others have anxiety around sex toys replacing them. And still others just feel weird about toys—just because. Some may even have trauma related to the use of a sex toy. Ultimately, we all have certain reservations when it comes to our bodies and/or sexual habits and that’s A-okay.
If your partner is definitely not open to using sex toys, there is nothing you can do to convince or coerce them, as consent should always be at the forefront of any sexual union. If integrating sex toys is high on your list and weighing heavy on your mind, it may nonetheless be better to try revisiting the discussion at a later date.
If your partner is open to discussion, do consider the following ways to help them become more comfortable using sex toys together!
Talk about it
There is never any substitute for honed communication with your lover. Have an open and honest conversation about all the incredible reasons to explore using sex toys together. Relieving some of the pressure on both of you to achieve orgasm with the use of hands, mouths, and/or penetrative sex, for instance. Sex toys can also help unlock all kinds of fantasies, in case that little factoid catches your partner’s interest. Share why you are interested and what you hope to gain. Discuss overlapping interests and desire, as well as divergent ones. Discuss potential compromises. All in all, everyone needs different things to reach their peak, and sometimes those things we need change from week to week…or even hour to hour. Note: this conversation might involve a little reassurance, such as letting them know the specific ways in which they're an excellent lover, and making it extra clear that toys are not a competitor. Be sure to listen to any and all concerns, opinions, or fears your partner may volunteer, and do your best to address them. Bonus tip: try to avoid having this discussion before, during, or immediately after sex. Rather, pick a time when the moment isn't inherently heated, and go from there.
Share your solo sex toy experience
Discussing the introduction of sex toys to your sexual relationship is a golden opportunity to share any solo sex toy experience you may have (if you haven’t already), and for your partner to do the same. Hot tip: it can be sexy AF to actually offer a demonstration of how you use your fave sex toy on yourself—and again, it’s entirely possible that your partner uses a toy on his or herself when alone that they may enjoy reenacting for your sweet self. When you have the disclosure of previously unshared pleasure as a starting point, it’s difficult to predict how your shared arousal may unfold organically in any number of magical directions.
Choose the right toy...together
If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like. When choosing the right toy to start with, pick something that both you and your partner are comfortable with. Consider the size, shape, and type of toy, and look for something that aligns with you and your partner’s needs and desires. You might explore, for instance, couples sex toys like the Luvli Ditto 2, which provides stimulation to two partners at once during penetrative sex (and a remote control to boot!), or the Halo, AKA a vibrating cock ring sent from the heavens. Or, perhaps you’re drawn to more traditional vibrators—after all, there are many creative ways to use the Diosa Soft Touch or the Thrust. Of course, if one or both of you gravitate toward wanting to experience anal play, Bellesa's anal training kit or the A-Play Vibe Beginner Plug are both a great way to go. You both err on the kinky side? There are restraint kits and nipple clips for that. You might also try different toys together as a way of gradually deciding what works best— the journey is the destination, after all, and the journey can be a lot of fun.
Be truly open--and patient
Introducing sex toys can be overwhelming for some people, so it's important to take it slow and resist any feeling of urgency. Remember that everyone has different levels of comfort with using sex toys, so being patient and supportive can go a long way, as can being open about the direction your shared exploration goes in. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings about the things you try together, and be sure to share your own as well. No matter what, keep talking about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the foreplay and/or sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box (i.e., beyond genital stimulation/penetrative sex). Eventually, from a shared place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys together.
No matter what the results are of your joint foray into the wet and wild world of sex toys, be sure to keep the lines of communication with your partner open, so you both feel perfectly at ease raising questions and concerns, voicing or amending preferences, and freely signaling changes in your overall mood.
Happy playtime to all!
