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5 things you really need to stop saying during sex

By Sara Kloepfer

Communication is #key during sex.

It’s how we give, get, and withdraw consent, share likes and dislikes, and ensure that we are having protected, safer sex.

Giving feedback and asking questions is super important for making sure you and your partner have a fun, comfortable time.

However, there are some things you definitely should keep to yourself…or find a better way to say, at least.

Nothing kills the vibe like saying something that makes your partner feel judged, shamed, or embarrassed. Remember, honesty is different from being straight up rude. You can make sex a much more mutually positive experience by leaving your assumptions at the door and treating your partner with the respect and care you expect for yourself.

Here are some things you should straight up never say while having sex:

1. Is it in yet? 

Come on…even if you are genuinely wondering, have a little sensitivity. Penis size is one of the biggest insecurities for a lot of men, and a question like this only makes it worse. Judging penis size promotes a toxic and narrow standard for men by defining masculinity only in relation to how sexually pleasing their penis is.

Body shaming is not cool, and this will probably ruin the moment before it even begins.

Being sex positive means being body positive as well. If you’re unsure of what’s going on down there, maybe just check for yourself!

2. Are you finished yet? 

Way to kill the mood. Not only do you sound bored and impatient (rude much?), but rushing your partner just adds pressure to “perform,” which will probably only make it even harder for them to orgasm.

You might feel anxious about pleasing your partner, but orgasms are not the only sign of a good time.

Relax, and remember that everyone goes at their own pace, and not everyone climaxes every time. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

3. You want to do WHAT? 

If your partner suggests a sexual activity that you are uncomfortable with, it is well within your rights to decline (that’s how consent works).

However, making your partner feel weird or embarrassed for even bringing it up is a no-no. Major no-no, actually. That’s kink shaming, and there is no reason to judge your partner for perfectly healthy desires. Just as you expect your partner to respect your personal preference to say no to any sexual activity, you should respect their personal preference to be into whatever they like.

4. My ex used to… 

Ugh, please do not bring up your ex while we’re having sex.

Especially if you are making any sort of comparison.

No one wants to know that your previous partner is on your mind while you’re with them, and they definitely don’t want to hear how they measure up. Even if you're making a positive comparison (i.e. “you’re much better at this than my ex” or “my ex never used to do this for me”), you’re still pitting two people against each other, which is super unhealthy for both of you.

Find a way to make suggestions or give compliments without inviting unwanted third parties to the bedroom.

5. What are you doing? 

If you don’t like something that someone is doing during sex, just politely ask them to stop. Don’t make them feel weird or bad about it. They're doing it because they either think you would like it or they’ve done it before and gotten good feedback.

Making someone feel shitty about their technique will only give them a serious case of performance anxiety. Ever heard of constructive criticism? Making suggestions about what you like is way sexier than just shutting someone down.

Image Source: Tony Futura

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