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18 people share their biggest sexual insecurity

By Suzannah Weiss

Growing up, we learn almost nothing about sex. But from the movies and TV shows we see to the romance novels and magazines we read, we get the impression that one day, we’ll somehow know everything. When that doesn’t happen, we can become insecure in bed. Our specific insecurities can range from body image to sexual performance, but pretty much everyone has at least one. 

So that you feel less alone for your insecurities and realize it’s OK not to have everything figured out, I asked people what their biggest sexual insecurities are. Here’s what they said. 

Carrie, 28 

"I am NOT multi-orgasmic, which is always a shock to people. Also, I have a follicular issue that results in dark purple blemishes on my inner thighs. I am wickedly embarrassed of them! It's never made a difference in my sex life, but it's an insecurity for sure."

Alma, 27 

“I just don't think I'm very good at it and I'm not sure my partner is either. We have fun, but I don't think I'm very skilled. I never had a good teacher, and now it feels awkward to ask the person I've been with for six years to change. What if I'm a bad sexual partner for my whole life? What if he is?”

Rae, 39 

“I have hidradenitis on my inner thighs and in the groin area. It's a skin condition that recent research shows is related to autoimmune activity. It causes boil-like abscesses that are very painful and typically burst and drain after a few days. Particularly big or deep ones leave scars and ‘tunnels’ under the skin. The scars are noticeable enough to require an explanation, even with the lights out. Even worse is if the man finds a developing abscess somewhere down there that I didn't feel brewing yet... and having to explain it's not contagious, it's not an STD, they can't catch it, and no, it's really not herpes or something, and yes, I have seen a doctor about it — several in fact — yes, I seriously promise it's not an STD. Yes, I promise he can't catch it. And no, I don't want him to try to ‘pop’ it... It's humiliating because even when I explain it, men doubt I'm being honest. I stopped having sex because of it several years ago.”

Charlie, 27 

“Sex itself. I just tend to hate sex and that becomes a problem when I actually try to have sex.”

Michelle, 26 

“I like women but I've only had one girlfriend! And that was in high school! And I feel like I'm so sexually inexperienced that women are going to lose patience with me in bed or worse, assume I'm really just some straight girl having a phase. It's like the lesbian equivalent of ‘need experience to get the job, need a job to get experience.’"

Anu, 24 

“That my partner would not like my body.”

Cindy, 29 

“I'm a woman who has sex with men and I don't know how to be on top. I just can't figure out the angle or rhythm.”

Sofia, 20 

“Body hair. I can’t help but feel like I am gross if I have my hair on my legs grown out.”

Lady, 29 

“Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with Lichen Sclerosus (an autoimmune skin disease that typically affects genitals). It's not extreme right now, but I'm realizing I'm about to face a future of explaining it to sexual partners.”

Kyla, 26 

“That my vagina is ugly/smells/isn't that pleasing and guys don't want to go down on me because of it.”

Jim, 48 

“My wife does not want to have sex with me, and if she agrees, she balls up and I do all the work. (She has chronic pain and works nights, and massive body image issues.) My insecurity is that I am never going to have good sex life.”

Aman, 47 

“Married 18 years and still worried that ‘she’s not that into me,’ that I don’t turn her on enough, that I’m not hot enough in or out of the bedroom."

Florida, 46 

“Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation (overweight and diabetic).”

Tippi, 47 

"Boobs too big."

Hayden, 41

“Not being remembered or regarded as ‘the best lay’ by sexual partners, especially ones practicing non-monogamy."

Gen, 25 

“The first is that my vagina will make some crazy sound. Between bodily fluids, thrusting, and all of that air coming in and out, it's bound to happen every now and again, but it's never NOT awkward when it does (especially because I feel like guys are super weird about it? Like, chill, guys). My second major insecurity is that my boobs are a disappointment. My first boyfriend (and first sexual everything) used to make very snide remarks about how padded my bras were, or how my chest was basically the same size as his chubby, 14-year-old brother's. So yeah, I've got a bit of a complex when it comes to sexual partners seeing or touching my boobs during sex. Half the time, I won't even let them take my bra off as a result.”

Max, 40 

“My corporeal form. Men are not attracted to it. It's thique, it's flabby, my boobs are non-perky, my arms are big, my back is strong. The nicest man I've ever dated treated me like a farm-wench fetish. I'm a down-low kinda girl physically. It generally means the sex is an awkward, lights off kind of biz, or it gets weird because low-key fetish dudes tend to choose unattractive women to experiment on. It's pretty hard to get into sex when every partner feels like you owe them gratitude for even trying to fuck you.”

Ana, 22 

“Body size.”

How do we overcome these insecurities? 

Most of these issues (if you can even call them that) have one thing in common: the first step is to talk to your partner. Once you’re open about what you’re struggling with, you’ll probably realize they have their own struggles, too. And most of them, you can fix — or at the very least make peace with.

Cover Image Source: kalippodesign

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