First-date sex: the pros and cons

By Priya Alika

As women, we are given all kinds of conflicting advice about when to have sex. According to conventional wisdom, we should have sex on the third date. Other people say: no, wait until the fifth date. And finally, there’s a (growing) number of women who say – hell, have sex whenever you want to. Have first-date sex! We live in a sex-positive era, so why not jump into bed straight away? Try before you buy. 

Here’s the thing about first-date sex: it’s like olives. (Some people can’t get enough olives, while other people don’t understand the appeal!) Before jumping into the deep end, figure out if it’s right for you.

Pro: It’s great if you enjoy casual sex  

A first date isn’t a lot of time in which to get to know the other person. If you’re the sort of person who enjoys sex as a purely physical act, instead of thinking of it as an intimate connection, great! You’re all set to have a frisky encounter without worrying too much. 

But if you’re the sort of person who needs an emotional connection to feel comfortable in the bedroom, don’t feel pressured to have first-date sex. There’s no shame in saying to your date “I want to wait.” At least until you learn what his favouritecolour is, where he grew up, and what his parents do for a living. 

Pro: There won’t be unpleasant surprises later 

What if your date is bad in bed? Is this really the kind of things you want to find out when you’re five dates deep? Having first-date sex ensures that you won’t get attached to somebody you’re sexually incompatible with, or who doesn’t value your sexual pleasure as much as his. (Cut him loose immediately if he has a DJ Khaled-like attitude to going down on you.

Con: First-date sex is often disappointing 

Although first-date sex may seem glamorous and sexy in the movies, the reality is that it very rarely leads to orgasms. After all, you’re having sex with somebody who doesn’t know your body well enough to stimulate you in the right places! Plus, there’s always a touch of performance anxiety when you’re naked and having sex with someone new. All this adds up to fumbled, often inept sexual encounters, so it’s best to keep expectations low when you’re having first-date sex. 

Con: Be prepared for the possibility that there might be no second date 

Sex on the first date is tricky territory. The next morning, you wake up thinking “Was that a one-night stand? Will he call for a second date?” 

Well, that depends entirely on him! Lots of people feel that sex on the first date is (no pun intended) anticlimactic. Others just see it as part of getting to know you. Either way, ask yourself this question honestly: Are you likely to be hurt by a man disappearing after sex? 

Make the choices that make YOU feel good  

At the end of the day, be sure to protect your tender heart. Don’t be careless with it. Sex-positivity doesn’t mean that you have to have sex that you’re uncomfortable with! Saying no doesn’t make you a prude, either. 

There’s so much pressure on women to be the Cool Girl and to have sex without getting attached, but true sexual liberation means being free to be yourself – whoever that person is. If you want to go out and have first-date sex, grab a box of condoms and get to it! If you want to wait for love, do that: we can all occupy space in this world without judging each other. 

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