Swinging 101

Ever considered displaying a pink flamingo in your front yard or an upside down pineapple on your door? By this of course I mean, have you ever thought about swinging? Well if you have, or maybe you just want to know more about what swinging is, you've come to the right place.

Simply put, swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy where couples enjoy having sex with other people... together. The types of meet ups and sexual activities can take on many forms and it is estimated that over 1% of adults in North America consider themselves as swingers.

How is swinging different from other forms of non-monogamy?

From “monogamish” to full blown polyamory the umbrella of open relationships is expansive. While polyamory welcomes individuals to form multiple emotional connections and romantic relationships, swinging is purely physical… No strings attached.

Swinging is also unique as it is done as a couple and for the couple, not alone. Rather than seeking sex or love outside of your primary relationship (as is done in many forms of ethical non-monogamy), swingers seek opportunities as a unit. This is why swinging is most commonly in the form of partner swapping. Don’t get me wrong though, there are no strict rules and can include all kinds of things, like group sex and cuckolding.

What swinging looks like in 2023

Before the era of dating apps and sexual meet up chat rooms, swingers used a code of secret symbols such as pink flamingo lawn ornaments, upside down pineapples (look out for these if you ever go on a cruise), or wearing a black ring on the right hand.

The swing scene is much more accessible now than ever before! Like with most sexual preferences, there’s an app for that. Apps and websites such as SwingLifeStyle.com, easy ways for couples to find other swingers nearby. Or just shoot your shot on the generic dating apps — There are plenty of “couples looking for a third” or “couples looking for a couple” on Tinder/Hinge/Bumble.

Is swinging only couple + couple?

Short answer: no.

Since no two people (and no two swingers) are the same, desires in sexual exploration vary by person/couple. Some couples are married and only want to swing with other married couples, others may be looking for a single person to join them sexually.

Whether you’e in person or online, people typically identify themselves as a couple or solo swinger; as well as what they’re looking for so you can find the right dynamic for you!

Is swinging right for you and your partner?

The best way to know if swinging is the right fit for you and your partner is to reflect on what you are looking for. Are you wanting a shared sexual experience with your partner? If so, then swinging may be the right fit.

However, if you feel drawn to exploring sexual connections outside the relationship, then an open relationship may be your cup of tea. And if you are excited by the idea of partaking in multiple emotional and even love connections, then polyamory could be your best bet.

Getting started

1. Talk, talk and talk some more. The key to introducing non-monogamy into your relationship is open lines of communication and respect for each other’s boundaries.

2. Decide what you want. Consider if you’re looking for a third party, group sex, couple swapping, etc. Do you want to limit the type of sexual activity your participate in (a “soft swap” = touching and oral sex with no penetration).

3. Research TOGETHER. As swinging is a group activity, you should be equally involved in the search for meet ups in your area.

4. Go for it! When you feel comfortable and have found a party/couple/single you want to swing with, it’s time to dive in. If it’s your first time, remember to keep checking in with your partner.

The DOs and DON’Ts

Here are some friendly reminders on conduct in the swinging community. When in doubt, ask! Approach people with kindness and respect and they’ll be happy to guide you on your journey.

Do ask for consent. Just like anywhere, consent is ongoing and can be removed at any time. Make sure everyone that you are interested in engaging sexually with is comfortable and willing to partake.

Don’t over indulge with alcohol or drugs. You want to make sure you are coherent and of sound mind to make judgements.

Do come to sex parties and meetups clean and prepared. This means hygiene is at an all time high and you are packed with protection. Condoms and dental dams are everyone's best friends.

Don’t exchange money with folks in exchange for sex. Swingers parties usually charge entrance fees which is expected, but do not pay individuals for sex.

Do check in with your partner. When starting out, take small steps and keep checking in with your partner to make sure if any emotions come up that you are there to listen and be understanding.

Don’t be aggressive or rude. Enough said.

Do prioritize your safety. If a situation doesn't feel safe, it’s a good sign to leave and make sure those around you know they can leave with you too.

According to sex therapist Dr. Ratush "done right, the swingers' lifestyle can build bonds in a relationship and give partners an outlet to explore their sexuality in ways that monogamy cannot. It can be a way to foster closeness and increase sexual gratification.”

If you are still interested in swinging, talk to your partner and we wish you lots of sexy pink flamingos in your future.