How to keep it hot when you've been together forever

Long-term relationships can be the best kind of magic. They’re cozy, comforting, and wildly affirming when you’re with the right person. Whether you’re monogamous or open, married or just committed, living under the same roof or an ocean apart, and with kids or not—long-term love takes work. And no, not the exhausting kind of work, but rather the kind that requires a stretching of our imaginations, and a willingness to keep choosing our partner day after day. Because one thing all relationships have in common, no matter what it looks like on the surface of things, is that the searing, can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other passion tends to evolve. Sometimes it dims. Sometimes it naps. But that doesn’t mean it’s gone.

So, how do you reignite the flame when your shared browser history is 90% cat memes and air fryers?

So very glad you asked. Here we offer you 10 tried and true ways to keep that proverbial spark alive, no matter how long you've been joined at the hip.

1. Schedule sex

Yes, I know—scheduling sex sounds about as sexy as flossing. But hear me out: knowing you have time carved out just for intimacy can be hot in itself. Anticipation is foreplay, after all. And if you wanna up the ante, consider adding a twist—make it themed, have fun with it, get silly. "Only hands night," for instance, or "Mile-high fantasy," or "No talking, just moaning"—whatever gets your motor running, nam sayin'?

2. Create a “yes, no, maybe” list together

Think of it as your sexy menu. You each write down things you’d love to try (yes), things you’re curious about (maybe), and your hard limits (nope). Then swap lists and discuss—ideally over wine or while wearing nothing but socks. It’s informative, fun, and might just introduce you to your partner’s previously undisclosed foot fetish or exhibitionist streak. After all, you learn something new everyday.

3. Try the 6-second kiss

This one’s simple but wildly effective. Every day, kiss for a full six seconds. Not a peck. Not a smooch-on-the-go. A full-bodied, melting, soul-touching kiss. It’s long enough to stir something primal but short enough to not interrupt your workday Slack meeting. And if you've given up Slack meetings (congrats), make it seven seconds, or eight, or nine. See what happens.

4. Send hawt messages—out of the blue

Remember when texting your partner made your stomach do backflips? Time to bring that energy back. Send a sexy pic (yes, even if it’s just collarbone and candlelight), a dirty sentence, or a voice note whispering what you’d do to them if they were home. The element of surprise can be one hell of a turn-on. Sexting is an art form, so don't be afraid to get creative.

5. Do something new together—outside of the bedroom

Trying new things together builds connection and reawakens excitement. Take a dance class, hike somewhere you’ve never been, make sushi, attend a life drawing session (extra points if you’re the model). When our brains light up with the novelty of the unfamiliar—guess what? Our libido often follows.

6. Get nostalgic

Recreate your first date. Or that weird motel tryst you still talk about. Or the time you got horny at IKEA and bought a throw pillow you now call “the incident.” Revisiting memories can stir up the emotions—and the hormones—that were present the first time around. Bonus: you’ll probably laugh a lot, and laughter is even better than lube (ok fine, let's call it a tie).

7. Introduce power games (lightly, or not-so-lightly)

If your couple leans that way (or might), consider dabbling in domination, submission, roleplay—whatever feels ripe, and also consensual. Even if you don’t go full dungeon, simply taking turns “being in charge” for the night can shake things up. Who makes the rules? Who breaks them? Who gets spanked for forgetting the safe word? The possibilities are truly endless.

8. Practice ‘naked time’ with zero expectations

No pressure to perform. No goal of having an orgasm. Just lie around naked together—reading, cuddling, talking, and sipping tea like a couple of nudist philosophers. Physical closeness without the pressure of sex builds intimacy and lowers defenses. Which…often leads to sex anyway. But no expectations = no pressure = better connection. True story.

9. Talk about your fantasies like it’s normal (because it is)

So many couples never talk about what really turns them on—because life, kids, shame, fatigue. But normalizing those convos is a game changer. Once a week, take turns sharing a fantasy, no judgment, no obligation to act on it. You know, even if it’s wildly impractical (i.e., I want to have sex on a motorcycle—while it's moving). Simply sharing it builds vulnerability and deepens the erotic bond you have.

10. Take a sexcation

Yes, a whole vacation dedicated to banging. Could be a weekend in a nearby cabin, a luxurious hotel downtown, or your bedroom turned into a love temple with silk sheets, mood lighting, and zero chores. Or if you really wanna go all out (and depending on your sexual, erm, interests), there's always a sex resort. Regardless of what you choose, the main rule is: no sightseeing. Just seeing each other. Loudly. And repeatedly.

Bottom line: long-term love doesn’t have to mean long-term blah. With a little creativity, vulnerability, and willingness to get weird, your spark can become a wildfire again. Now go forth—and may your love burn bright, bold, and deliciously dirty. <3